I smile...even when logic says to frown...I smile

So--I bought a whole bunch of york peppermint patties today, and I thought about you for the first time in a long time. Which is weird because you are hanging above my computer in two pictures....nestled in the life I used to know and beside people I still love and care deeply for.

I thought it was weird how as soon as my hand touched the crinkled foil, I thought of you. I could see you eating one of them in my memory and how excited you got. I also think that it was strange, to say in the least, that it was that glint of a moment that sprang to my mind. How the world seemed to stop while I was watching you eat that york in all of your eccentricities, with a grin on your face and some rock band playing in the background. I hope that the next time I touch a york something else comes to mind

Like how my mom and I used to eat them when we were pulling out of the gas station. Those gas stations of the past that were labeled $1.26/gal unleaded. I would rather that memory because yours holds less value to me than the past price of gas.

I also thought it was interesting that only in the analysis do I feel any bitterness. That when the memory occurred I didn't feel anything, I just saw you eating chocolate with a slowed grin...it was complete indifference. I didn't acknowledge the moment, I didn't think about what led us here, and I certainly didn't think about how things would have been if things hadn't been and hadn't happened.

so thanks for the memories---even if they weren't that good *the yorks nestled in a closed drawer

I wouldn't have it any other way :) We've moved on...I'll open the drawer and eat them sometime--I'll think of my mom instead and if my thoughts turn to you, they'll be thoughts of indifference, just like the last...We've moved on

I'm sitting here alone in silence with the exception of my thoughts. With the exceptions of these words and the clacks of the keys as I apply understanding through letters. I'm trying to learn from the world. I'm learning from you, I'm learning from her, I'm learning from him. I read it in a book, I saw it on TV, I heard it through the grapevine. I'm not leaving, but I'm not staying. Damned if I know where I'm going or where I'll end up but....

I'm going with my music blaring and the top down....and as we pass---you know a smile will be on my face. Because that's what happy people do.

We smile for no reason.....and at the same time

We smile for all reason