Breathing in the fresh dew of midnight, I realized we all need something to hold on to. Oddly enough, at the time of this great epiphany (where cosmic wonders were becoming comprehensible beside non-languaged feelings of just-right) I was holding three trash bags. Trash and baggage: all that had been contained by my hand--and I realized that too many people are wanting to hold something else, but are too afraid to release. To afraid to slip...to slip into what? On the fall down, you might find something better to grab on to, and when you find it...don't let go. Don't be afraid to reach for it. Hold it. Don't let go--
Some hold their person. A person of years, months, weeks, days, nights, seconds...it takes time to grow. Time to fuse pieces of your soul, embrace the parts that have changed. Make them your own. Let go of parts that need to fall away. Others hold themselves, lift their faces above the crowd and, heads held high, go on by. Seeing. Knowing. Being. We move amongst each other. Hardly aware of what drives one foot in front of the other or fuels our motivation. We just keep going. Our knowledge is going. Moving on. Oblivious
We hold standards, goals, and morals. We cling to objects, concepts, and memories. Have any of us really slipped? Let alone fallen to a point where we, as people, are unable to support ourselves? Or have we just become dependent on this faux-feeling of faux-comfort? Comfort in this contradicting paradigm lulls us to a sleep. A sleep so warm, we sweat with anticipation and fear that, sometime soon, the sun will rise. Reality must be approaching. Don't Come. We fight it. Don't come. We cry in the faux-night of closed eyes, hearts, and minds. We fight reality.
And so it is. Life goes easy on us most of the time. And so it is. Shorter story, no love no glory, no hero in our sky. We'll all forget the breeze most of the time. And so it is. And so it will continue.
Open your eyes, surprise yourself with what you see. If you're lucky, whatever you saw, whatever you felt behind that shielding comfort of your eyelids, whatever you think was beyond here, beyond now, might just BE.
...standing in front of you. Reaching. Wanting. Wishing, just as you are.
but you have to let go to re-grab. You have to open your eyes to see. Leap before you can truly understand faith. And don't forget come daylight...
26 February 2009
19 February 2009
Try to unBREAK broken-- it won't happen
...it won't happen. I know this. A piece of common knowledge not quite opaque and neither translucent. It will be what you make it, but will remain what it is. What it has always been, and even there ambiguity saturates and weighs heavily. For what it was to you, was not how I experienced it--nor is my reality held near to your heart. And, in a swimming sea of neithers and nors and in betweens, I didn't expect it to lie or become akin to the steady rhythm of an essence such as life. An essence in which a slowed or rushed beat, where what lies can be truth, can end and be final. Can become electrified by an outside source and will continue to beat on. breathe on. walk away. walk toward.
This creates misunderstanding and aggravation. This creates Darkness.Darkness is not comprehensive. Only to be understood as dark, the closest thing to nothing you can imagine. A nothing imagined everything, conceptually designed as a black depth containing unseen people. People grasping in the void for anything that might be in reach. For anything to connect. For anything to be amongst them, beat with them, breathe with them, walk with them. Words of wisdom float in the darkness, as invisibly apparent as the depth known surrounding. It claims TBA and reclaims it as a constant state of being.
This darkness is all we have, that's where it becomes everything. Our everything. It drives our search, our advancement, our pain, our success. Us, driven like cars, by an unmistakable force comprised of blackness and depth and unknown. It drives. We go. We live.
Life is TBA and we don't know how to deal with it so we rationalize it. or we run from it. or we dive towards it. or we bathe in it. We DEAL with it and that's okay.
Just know as you're groping in your own darkness, you are really reaching into another's plot of depth. Respect. Reach out. Go slow.
---yeah I don't know what this is about, but it's something. I'm not sad about it, nor indifferent...just learning. I don't see it as unfortunate, neither should you
...whoever you may be :)
We are stars in the same darkness of a deep nothing, blind to the brilliance beside us and tragically mistaking our own brilliance to be insignificant. Shine bright.
I'll find you.
This creates misunderstanding and aggravation. This creates Darkness.Darkness is not comprehensive. Only to be understood as dark, the closest thing to nothing you can imagine. A nothing imagined everything, conceptually designed as a black depth containing unseen people. People grasping in the void for anything that might be in reach. For anything to connect. For anything to be amongst them, beat with them, breathe with them, walk with them. Words of wisdom float in the darkness, as invisibly apparent as the depth known surrounding. It claims TBA and reclaims it as a constant state of being.
This darkness is all we have, that's where it becomes everything. Our everything. It drives our search, our advancement, our pain, our success. Us, driven like cars, by an unmistakable force comprised of blackness and depth and unknown. It drives. We go. We live.
Life is TBA and we don't know how to deal with it so we rationalize it. or we run from it. or we dive towards it. or we bathe in it. We DEAL with it and that's okay.
Just know as you're groping in your own darkness, you are really reaching into another's plot of depth. Respect. Reach out. Go slow.
---yeah I don't know what this is about, but it's something. I'm not sad about it, nor indifferent...just learning. I don't see it as unfortunate, neither should you
...whoever you may be :)
We are stars in the same darkness of a deep nothing, blind to the brilliance beside us and tragically mistaking our own brilliance to be insignificant. Shine bright.
I'll find you.
10 February 2009
...fall with me?
As it was, and continues to be, raining in Athens, I walked outside of myself. Though I could have brought an umbrella, a canopy of protection, I decided to decline and feel the rain.
I let it fall on me. It dampened my hair, it dewed on my skin, and droplets fell from my fingers. I didn't mind and I don't know why. The rain was not liberating nor hindering. And it wasn't until my surroundings were dry, that I realized the moisture resting on my superficial. Outside, I felt outside. And Inside, I was really still outside just contained. Four walls, floor, and ceiling. Surrounded by dry, making the cool, comfortable dampness of Outside warm. Uncomfortable.
Inside makes Outside uncomfortable.
I think I was able to be vulnerable Outside. Too often I carry my own umbrella, I'll see but won't allow myself to feel. Without my guard, the drops hit...but I find they don't hit hard. When usually I see them fall through space, plummeting to an end. to the ground. I feel protected from the violence surrounding me. Without my guard, I see them dancing beside my feet in the puddle to the right, left, front, and the one's I've passed-- I know they've remained frenzied though I can no longer see them.
I often lose the opportunity to feel the cool dampness, because I am afraid of the return Inside. The discomfort when the cool warms. When the refreshing vulnerability wraps around you and sticks. Confines you like wet clothes, finding every freedom of movement and oppressing it with the scratchy fabric that refuses to release, refuses to breathe, and weighs down so much that all you can think about is becoming dry, conforming....becoming....
Inside.
I'm making an active choice to walk outside my comfort. To walk outside myself. To not focus on the Inside, but to relish walking on the Outside. To let past my guard or perhaps drop my guard all together. Baby steps.... I trust * but not with myself.
I'm always strong-- independence proclaims me. Proceeds me. Protects me.
...but in the end, while drops fall from the sky, just as we fall through life, I want to see dancing underneath me and company beside me, falling in a different space but falling all the same. Together.
I let it fall on me. It dampened my hair, it dewed on my skin, and droplets fell from my fingers. I didn't mind and I don't know why. The rain was not liberating nor hindering. And it wasn't until my surroundings were dry, that I realized the moisture resting on my superficial. Outside, I felt outside. And Inside, I was really still outside just contained. Four walls, floor, and ceiling. Surrounded by dry, making the cool, comfortable dampness of Outside warm. Uncomfortable.
Inside makes Outside uncomfortable.
I think I was able to be vulnerable Outside. Too often I carry my own umbrella, I'll see but won't allow myself to feel. Without my guard, the drops hit...but I find they don't hit hard. When usually I see them fall through space, plummeting to an end. to the ground. I feel protected from the violence surrounding me. Without my guard, I see them dancing beside my feet in the puddle to the right, left, front, and the one's I've passed-- I know they've remained frenzied though I can no longer see them.
I often lose the opportunity to feel the cool dampness, because I am afraid of the return Inside. The discomfort when the cool warms. When the refreshing vulnerability wraps around you and sticks. Confines you like wet clothes, finding every freedom of movement and oppressing it with the scratchy fabric that refuses to release, refuses to breathe, and weighs down so much that all you can think about is becoming dry, conforming....becoming....
Inside.
I'm making an active choice to walk outside my comfort. To walk outside myself. To not focus on the Inside, but to relish walking on the Outside. To let past my guard or perhaps drop my guard all together. Baby steps.... I trust * but not with myself.
I'm always strong-- independence proclaims me. Proceeds me. Protects me.
...but in the end, while drops fall from the sky, just as we fall through life, I want to see dancing underneath me and company beside me, falling in a different space but falling all the same. Together.
09 February 2009
so i answered 9 mult. choice....and it told me who i was
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
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