...fall with me?

As it was, and continues to be, raining in Athens, I walked outside of myself. Though I could have brought an umbrella, a canopy of protection, I decided to decline and feel the rain.

I let it fall on me. It dampened my hair, it dewed on my skin, and droplets fell from my fingers. I didn't mind and I don't know why. The rain was not liberating nor hindering. And it wasn't until my surroundings were dry, that I realized the moisture resting on my superficial. Outside, I felt outside. And Inside, I was really still outside just contained. Four walls, floor, and ceiling. Surrounded by dry, making the cool, comfortable dampness of Outside warm. Uncomfortable.

Inside makes Outside uncomfortable.

I think I was able to be vulnerable Outside. Too often I carry my own umbrella, I'll see but won't allow myself to feel. Without my guard, the drops hit...but I find they don't hit hard. When usually I see them fall through space, plummeting to an end. to the ground. I feel protected from the violence surrounding me. Without my guard, I see them dancing beside my feet in the puddle to the right, left, front, and the one's I've passed-- I know they've remained frenzied though I can no longer see them.

I often lose the opportunity to feel the cool dampness, because I am afraid of the return Inside. The discomfort when the cool warms. When the refreshing vulnerability wraps around you and sticks. Confines you like wet clothes, finding every freedom of movement and oppressing it with the scratchy fabric that refuses to release, refuses to breathe, and weighs down so much that all you can think about is becoming dry, conforming....becoming....

Inside.

I'm making an active choice to walk outside my comfort. To walk outside myself. To not focus on the Inside, but to relish walking on the Outside. To let past my guard or perhaps drop my guard all together. Baby steps.... I trust * but not with myself.

I'm always strong-- independence proclaims me. Proceeds me. Protects me.

...but in the end, while drops fall from the sky, just as we fall through life, I want to see dancing underneath me and company beside me, falling in a different space but falling all the same. Together.