--with a cherry on top

I read a poem once that explained that we contain all our years at once. That when we turn 5 we are really just 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1 all at once. So the older you are, the more you are in terms of person, emotion, understanding, experience--and it goes on and on and on.

It's why you can be so mature and then have something small happen and feel completely defeated. It's why sometimes you get stupid again---you make mistakes big girls don't make, you cry when you shouldn't, you pout when you don't when you don't get your way.

Think of yourself as a sundae. Can you imagine 19 toppings on a sundae. It's overwhelming. Today I thought about how simplistic life was. When all I had was rainbow sprinkles, whip cream, a cherry on top, and a smile on my face, I had no concern or fear or sense of relation to that bowl. I was just living because that's what I was and I was just eating because someone placed it in front of me. When you're little you don't understand.

But I also realize that for everything I add, something is taken away. I know that I no longer have the innocence I once did. Things have become more messy and more murky in clarity. Ambiguity reigns supreme in Life's sundae.

Now. Life has given me 19 toppings. I'm not always sure what I'm supposed to do with this bowl in front of me, but I know I want it in front of me. I know that I've picked my toppings well. I know that anything contained with in that bowl is something I'm proud of, even if I shouldn't be. Because even moments I've regreted have made me. I've assembled myself. You know what....I'm a kick-ass sundae.

If I ever get overwhelmed, my bowl still contains the rainbow sprinkles, whip cream, and a cherry on top.

--and when I see my reflection, there's a smile on my face.